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Postive Sneakiness

by Shannon Wand

We all tell a stinker every once in a while. It always goes a little something like this…

You finish the joke, “and then the sausage says, ‘Eat me!’” and the room is silent. It is deathly silent as people realize that the joke is over and that it was not at all funny. You have wasted their time and enjoyment.

The girl who was amicably chatting with you earlier is sneaking out the door. People are staring at you and everything is in slow motion. The guy to the left of you is rolling his eyes. People are starting to snear and walk away from you. It is a scary time for the teller of the joke.

I have ways to end your frustration. There are a few things that can save you so that people will forget all about the crappy joke and remember only your crazy antics. There are many tricks to this trade, and today I will share five of them with you.

  1. Put a dumb expression on your face, scratch the top of your head with one finger and make quiet baboon noises. Look around the room as though you do not know where you are. Make your way over to someone and sniff him or her. Leave the room.
  2. Accuse someone of farting and act indignant. Make a speech about public decency in a French accent.
  3. Yell, “Slave drivers!” Then proceed to tap-dance while grumbling in a sarcastic voice, “All I do is try to make you all happy and what do I get for it? Nothing. That’s what I get. Lousy ingrates.”
  4. Hide behind a lamp and say loudly, “That went terrible. I hope they can’t see me.” Then pretend to cry.
  5. Twitch and spasm—fall to the ground if you have to—until someone laughs, and then say, “See, I told you it was a funny joke.”

The best advice that I can give you is to not tell these terrible jokes anymore. If that isn’t possible, then the above five “joke fixers” should help. Good luck.




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