By Shannon Wand
Most people remember their first kiss. Ah, the anticipation,
the worry, the thrill. The waiting is the best part,
because let's face it, at that age we aren't experts
on what to do when our lips meet another’s.
Never mind when a tongue gets involved. Add to that
rebelliousness, raging hormones and a general cluelessness
and you have yourself a potent mix. It's a nerve wracking
yet wonderful experience. My first kiss was sweet
and the boy was cute. As far as first's go it was
a great one. It was what followed that almost led
me to a kissless existence.
My second, far less sweet, kiss came from a boy named
Danny. In grade six he asked me out. I said yes not
knowing what was in store for me. He held my hand
and that was fine but then he leaned in and put his
tongue into my mouth. Just like that. No smooching.
No working up to it. He put his extraordinarily long
tongue into my mouth and began flapping it around
like a fish out of water. I had no idea what to do
but I knew that I didn't want to do that with him
anymore. I pulled back and told him that I had a cold
and didn't want him to catch it. I left his house
and never saw him again. Technically we are still
If you believe what scientists have to say then you
would agree that pheromones are what attract us to
one another. Apparently, we smell each others pheromones,
much like animals, and instinctively are driven to
make-out, grope and eventually buy large quantities
of diapers or some such thing. After we decide that
we like each other’s smells we usually kiss
and when we do a chemical called Sebum is released.
The excess liquid involved smears the Sebum around
and that is supposed to be a good thing. If we like
each others Sebum then that seals the deal and we
mate for life. It's not the most romantic notion.
I don't think that Shakespeare would have approved.
The next boy that I let kiss me wasn't exactly a professional
either. I quite liked Jack, though. He wore a jean
jacket and his feathery bangs covered his left eye.
I thought that he was just the dreamiest. We hung
out together a lot and the general consensus was that
we should be a couple so in true high school romance
we became one. We smiled and shuffled our feet often
and then finally he went in for the kill. I remember
looking at his tonsils as his head came towards me.
It was like some 3-D dentist movie. I never knew that
someone’s mouth could open up that wide. He
engulphed my entire head with his mouth. His tongue
was in my nose. Once again, I was left not knowing
what I should do. Why would he want to make-out with
my head? Were there no boundaries that one should
respect? What, at this point, do I do with my tongue?
It ended quickly. I did not like Jacks Sebum.
Normally we try things a few times and if we aren't
satisfied we move on to something else. Oddly, with
kissing we just move on to someone else. We never
give up on the idea that kissing will somehow make
music that only the kissers can hear. Personally,
I blame romance movies but that's another story. I
digress. I tried liver once and hated it. I haven't
eaten it since but the tongue diver and face licker
didn't deter me from kissing again. Maybe it’s
that our knees do get a little weak or that the anticipation
of grand love takes over and we are just helpless
victims of romance. Perhaps there is a void within
us that only exchanging spit can fill. I really don't
My first kiss was in (now, don't judge me) pre-school.
I don't remember his name but I like to think it was
either Dave or Kevin. He had brown hair and blue eyes.
I realize that a romance at such an age is difficult
to imagine but that doesn't mean it didn’t happen.
Every day I would wait for him at the top of the stairs.
I think that he may have been late a few times and
didn't apologize but I also think that I didn't know
how to tell time so it was okay. When he reached the
top of the stairs he would kiss my forehead and then
we would go into the classroom. We wouldn't speak
to each other for the rest of the day. Perhaps it
was a lack of communication or, maybe, just maybe
we were so secure in our love that we didn't need
mundane conversation. I was too busy playing to worry.
That's just how powerful a first kiss can be. It's
been over twenty years and here I am writing about
my pre-school smooch fest with maybe-named-Dave-or-Kevin.
Whether it was a good experience or not its fun to
look back on and either sigh or giggle or in some
cases, vigorously shower. There are lots of things
that we put into our memory boxes that never get brought
out of storage and so it should be. Such as the time
in grade three that I spent a whole gym class running
around with my halter top around my waist. Ugh. That
first kiss though, now that's worth thinking about
every once in a while.