By Tracy Wells
- The eldest of 9 children, she's 82 years
young; always smoked, and always carries her
little flask right alongside her never-ending
bag of candies.
- We went shopping for our first training
- When I have a party, she gets asked to
dance more than any other person; and…
she knows how to do shooters!
- Grandma: pees
her pants when she laughs too hard; makes
the best get-well soup; looks great on a motorcycle;
loves the NHL and WWF; always cheers on her
grandchildren in sports, telling the officials
where to go, and hating the other team, their
parents, coaches, fans, mascot, uniforms….
Grandma (on the right) and
test the springs on their beds.
- She never eats any vegetables she doesn't
want to, and never makes her grandchildren
eat them either. We can have Grandma's homemade
caramel corn for breakfast if we want to,
and her little Scotch pancakes for dinner.
- Grandma loves to gamble, and can teach
you all the ins and outs of Reno, and how
to play Bingo 'properly'.
- She can: still jump on the bed; juggle;
pop her teeth out at you in a moment's notice;
roll her R's and turn her Scottish accent
on and off in a second; protect you in a squirt
gun fight; still give you a good smack; and
wrestle with the best of 'em.
- She feeds the squirrels when she's not
supposed to, and will deny it indignantly
when she gets caught red-handed. She'll be
just as indignant when she gets caught cheating
at Board games.
- Grandma knows: good swear words; the best
way to use a wheelchair to your advantage
just to get special attention/service at the
airport; how to really piss off drivers that
annoy you; how to get away with butting into
lineups; how to haggle at garage sales &
- She will: give you a bag of potatoes for
a birthday present and teach you how to make
the best French Fries; go on amusement rides
with you; love whoever your current partner
is, and hate whoever your ex is; spill something
on herself EVERY time she wears white, no
matter what, but still insists on wearing
- She's great at flirting and has been known
to ask a waiter home with her; male strippers
have even bought her drinks!
- Grandma worked at the Pacific National
Exhibition for years and could always get
you on the Roller Coaster for free…
even if you weren't tall enough.
- She has the softest skin ever.
I want to be just like my Grandma when I grow
Tracy (Boog) Wells age 37
Congratulation Tracy and thank you for all your
incredible suggestions. Think you can do better
with your suggestions? You could win a book