By Tracy Wells

• The eldest of 9 children, she's 82 years young; always smoked, and always carries her little flask right alongside her never-ending bag of candies.
  
• We went shopping for our first training bras together!
  
• When I have a party, she gets asked to dance more than any other person; and… she knows how to do shooters!
  
  
• Grandma: pees

  Grandma (on the right) and friend test the springs on their beds.

  her pants when she laughs too hard; makes the best get-well soup; looks great on a motorcycle; loves the NHL and WWF; always cheers on her grandchildren in sports, telling the officials where to go, and hating the other team, their parents, coaches, fans, mascot, uniforms….
  
• She never eats any vegetables she doesn't want to, and never makes her grandchildren eat them either. We can have Grandma's homemade caramel corn for breakfast if we want to, and her little Scotch pancakes for dinner.
  
• Grandma loves to gamble, and can teach you all the ins and outs of Reno, and how to play Bingo 'properly'.
  
• She can: still jump on the bed; juggle; pop her teeth out at you in a moment's notice; roll her R's and turn her Scottish accent on and off in a second; protect you in a squirt gun fight; still give you a good smack; and wrestle with the best of 'em.
  
• She feeds the squirrels when she's not supposed to, and will deny it indignantly when she gets caught red-handed. She'll be just as indignant when she gets caught cheating at Board games.
  
• Grandma knows: good swear words; the best way to use a wheelchair to your advantage just to get special attention/service at the airport; how to really piss off drivers that annoy you; how to get away with butting into lineups; how to haggle at garage sales & flea markets.
  
• She will: give you a bag of potatoes for a birthday present and teach you how to make the best French Fries; go on amusement rides with you; love whoever your current partner is, and hate whoever your ex is; spill something on herself EVERY time she wears white, no matter what, but still insists on wearing white.
  
• She's great at flirting and has been known to ask a waiter home with her; male strippers have even bought her drinks!
  
• Grandma worked at the Pacific National Exhibition for years and could always get you on the Roller Coaster for free… even if you weren't tall enough.
  
• She has the softest skin ever.
  I want to be just like my Grandma when I grow up,

Tracy (Boog) Wells age 37

Congratulation Tracy and thank you for all your incredible suggestions. Think you can do better with your suggestions? You could win a book too!